Dan's Story

I'm Dan, and I'm an alcoholic. It all started when I was about 16, the beginning of a new school year. I'd go out to parties (as you do) and of course, there would be the alcohol there as it's so easy for anyone to obtain. It started at these parties with just a couple of drinks, enough to make your legs feel heavy and get that light rush to your head.

Life was good, I was popular, had lots and lots of female friends, I swam on the international circuit, and even for a while held a national record. Little did I know that over the next two years, I would lose everything that I had worked towards, and find out so much about real friendship and myself.

As the parties continued, I was drinking more and more, eventually going to a party just to get drunk. I'd then end up missing the Saturday morning swim training, because I couldn't get up, and that was the beginning of my sporting downfall.

I met a group of friends who I used to hang out with every night, and as a result of which, I began to drink daily, not a lot, but a couple of pints a day. Christmas 1995 I was told that I had renal cell carcinoma, a form of cancer which effects the kidneys. I went into denial, and that is where my alcohol abuse got out of hand. I started to drink heavily almost every night, whatever I could get my hands on, I drank. Up until easter 1996, I was getting worse and worse. That easter, I spent a whole week drunk because I didn't want to admit to myself that I could easily die. Alcohol was the mask that I hid behind. There were two me's. The sober, somber me (which nobody ever saw) and happy me - me with the mask and no worries in the world.

After easter, I began to get treatment for my cancer, but that didn't help my alcohol addiction. Every time something went wrong, or didn't work, I was back into the bottle. I knew that this wasn't helping, but I needed the mask of alcohol to hide behind. I had to give up swimming because I didn't have the energy left over, and I couldn't face getting slower and slower. My school work slid, I lost friends, I became well known to the local police. I was in a band,and they threw me out because I couldn't play anymore, as my hands were a mess with shakes and a complete lack of co-ordination. My drinking then got worse, as I would drink when I was depressed, and end up being even more depressed.

My only memories of summer 1996 are being drunk in a field near my house, at a friends house or anywhere I could find a drink. That summer I became close friends with one of my drinking buddies girlfriends, Michelle. As time went by, I opened up to her more and more, telling her the secrets of my soul. She started to help my cut back on my drinking, but on January 17, 1997, I was told that I would need a major operation if I wanted to live. Michelle found me with a bottle and a half of vodka inside me and more waiting. She told me that even though I didn't care whether I lived or died, she did and that she wasn't going to let me go. That is when I stopped drinking. I realised that I was going to die if I kept on drinking, and she helped me find my zest for life again. She became my lifesaver, and I owe my life to her.

When I stopped drinking, I had horrible withdrawal symptoms for a month, and cravings still today. But I stopped. I began to turn my school work around, and fought my cancer like I'd never fought before.

I got back into the band, and was helped through my hard times by a fellow (more famous) musician who had a terrible alcohol problem which he managed to beat. When I hit the bad times I looked to him, and thought if he can do it, so can I. In summer 1997 I was cleared of my cancer, and looking better.

I'm now at university,and I've started a new life. I'm alcohol free and doing much better...most of all, I'm alive. That's the story of lives, the one I ruined and the one I saved.

Dan

From the first day, I always knew,

Despite the things that I've been through,

The constant in this world of mine,

The thought of you through darkness shined.

An open view through widest eyes,

Frozen cold by moonlight lies,

After endless nights of hope alone,

Live to live through what I've shown.

Reach to touch, yet touch the air,

Steady myself and bite despair,

Step outside to hold me in,

A world through tears seen from within.

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