FreeThinkers Story

A Freethinker in AA

When the "Brown Bag Lunch" had been  replaced by the  "Two Martini Lunch"
there was little thought about the problems ahead. Soon thereafter a glass or
two of wine came  with the noon meal. Of course there was that Cognac to
finish off  a nice lunch. Not long thereafter a great discovery was made, it
was called "Happy Hour" where my "Lunch Bunch" could get together and
discuss, in a more enlightened environment, our business dealings of the day.
Pretty soon we found a new place for lunch which had the added advantage of
starting "Happy Hour" a 2 pm. Needless to say, this was appended to the lunch
hour on many occasions. Of course our old hangout had "Happy Hour" from 5 to
7 pm which your could not neglect. Work was deferred for another time, like
Saturday or Sunday morning, which had an added advantage. When managers would
on occasion show up, seeing us hard at work, they came to the conclusion that
our work load was excessive. Hello good life!
After numerous years, this lifestyle started to influence not only my quality
of work, but also my health. I came to realise that something was just not
right and I had this sneaking suspicion that it may have something to do with
alcohol. A memo to all employees addressing alcohol or substance abuse and
offering help was published about that time. So at one of our lunches, I
broached this subject. After a lengthy discussion, the consensus  that this
was an attempt by our organization to identify substance abusers and
alcoholics. Those requesting help would constitute a reserve pool of
employees which could be the first terminated, should downsizing become a
reality. It certainly made a lot of sense to me and any attempt to find help
was promptly disbanded and the "Good Life" continued. 
A few years later, I met an old friend and after the normal lunch, asked me
if I had a problem with alcohol, which I somehow admitted to. He told me to
give AA a try and the subject was dropped. I had absolutely no idea what AA
was all about nor how to contact them. I knew that they sent drunk drivers
there and I also knew that they continued to drink. Thus the rational
conclusion: They teach you how to drink without getting drunk all the time!
 Anyway, it was the holiday season and you just have to wait until its the
next year. Then it was the Super Bowl and finally there were no more excuses
except how to find AA. Now where can I find an alcoholic? A bar of course!
Since my old hangout had nobody going to AA, I hit the other bars in town,
which was also more desirable, since nobody there knew me. Two weeks and
having been asked to leave several of these establishments for bothering the
paying customers with AA questions later , I found someone that was attending
AA meetings, courtesy of some idiot judge. 
While driving to the meeting place alone, I worried about how I could get
into the meeting in case my friend did not show up. What if I don't know
someone there? KNOW SOMEONE THERE!!  PANIC!! What will he think of me! Well,
he did not show, but some kindly soul took me inside and told me a bit about
himself. We had both worked overseas in several places, but at different
times  and had several mutual acquaintances. It did make me feel a bit more
at ease, however he left at the break and I was on my own. 
There was a speaker and he told some story about drinking that rang familiar
and then some prayer was said and I returned home promising myself to return.
 My sobriety lasted four days, then stayed dry for the next meeting. This
time I understood very little, except that they read the same thing out of a
book, that I had heard the week earlier, how dumb. This was repeated the
following week, however a new secretary announced anniversaries as " having
had his/her last drink on .....". Say Hey, what is this, they don't actually
mean "abstinence?" A very nice old gentleman answered this question with a
look I imagine he would give and extra terrestrial. YES, absolute abstinence
it was, and lo and behold there were other meeting places within the Greater
LA Area! The "Good Life" had certainly come to an end.
The local AA clubhouse, a small converted residence, was only a few blocks
away and after several tries in finding it, finally succeeded, attending a
"Beginners Meeting". I truly loved the place, windows thick with smoke that
billowed all around me, 40w lights that barely illuminated the room and a
corner where the guy at the lectern could not see me. A big hand tapped me on
the shoulder, welcomed me and told me that I wouldn't have to ever drink
again (what the hell does he know). After the meeting I was cajoled into
going to the local coffee shop, where boxed in by other members I heard about
an hours worth of AA until faking a trip to the mens room, I escaped.  My
regular bar was just down the street so there I went to recover. The
bartender, a dear friend of mine, asked me where I had been for the past few
weeks, and I told her. So she refused to serve me but gave me  an ice tea. My
drinking buddies were there, but for some strange reason their normal, highly
intellectual  conversation, had deteriorated somewhat during my two week
absence. I had this distinct feeling that they were ignoring me purposely.
The hell with them, who needs them anyway. And I didn't drink.
For thirty days I sat in my little corner and listened, came back the next
night and repeated the process. Participation, why? I have nothing to offer.
Sponsor, how? All they talked about is Higher Power (God), Big Book, yes I
bought one, even had a chapter devoted to Agnostics. But the guy who wrote
that sure didn't know anything about Freethinkers and Free Religion. The book
did serve a purpose, reading just a few paragraphs cured my insomnia. And
then the Steps. Okay, so I'm an alcoholic, but hell I'm managing my life ok,
didn't I have a great job with decent income and my real estate holdings were
managed quite well by me, the tenants were paying their rent, weren't they.
Forget about the next step until my life has become unmanageable. Then I'll
complete that first step.  By the end of the third month, the fog had cleared
a bit and with that came the problems. I had, in my first month of sobriety,
taken down the old bicycle and was riding it to work and back after a short
training period. This had given me much time for thought about AA and my
place in it.  The conclusion: AA is a program which is highly religious,
didn't they say a prayer before and at the end of the meeting? The constant
GOD and HP talk was driving me crazy and looking at the rest of the steps, it
was sure to get worse. But I was about to take a long vacation in Europe and
would check out how meetings were conducted there, surely they are more
humanistic and therefore more tolerant with the non-believer. 
The flight was a nightmare, first a five hour delay at the airport, the bar
looked inviting. Shortly after takeoff  the pilot announces that the delay
was due to a bomb scare, but assured us that no bomb was found after a
thorough search. And the booze cart had already passed by me; so I didn't
drink and stayed sober.
 With my cousins help we  located a meeting in the nearby town on the
following Sunday, two long, long days away.  The wait was almost intolerable,
and when the time came, I found the town totally blocked off  to all vehicle
traffic due to a parade. So I walked, only to be denied again when I could
not cross the last street because of this damned parade. By the time I got
there, the meeting was over but the schedule showed a meeting the next
evening. Somehow I felt relieved, and I didn't drink.
The meeting was a bit different, it was what we could identify, typical
German. The introduction was followed by a minute of silence (by stopwatch!).
Election for officers were discussed, there was an actual hierarchy. Cleanup
detail for the newcomers, a year sobriety for the coffee maker, two years to
bring the mineral water, three year for secretary, four years for treasurer
and five years for GSR/CSR. There was no break and the meeting adjourned over
three hours later, when everyone had a time to share. Sharing was like most
meetings, problems with the neighbor, drinking,  the boss, sobriety,  the
husband, the wife, sobriety, god, hp...etc. Then they closed with the
Serenity prayer (I use the condensed version-- accept the things I cannot
change--).  It felt good and I didn't drink.
On my return, an AA friend mentioned that there are Agnostic meetings in the
area. No opening nor closing prayers, no reading and praising the Big Book
except for Appendix II. But there was also a big disappointment, it was an
Atheist/Agnostic meeting. Very little talk about drinking, sobriety and
solutions to the problem with booze, lots of talk on God and HP from an
atheists point of view. So I better look somewhere else and this was called
SOS.  This did not vary much from the Agnostic meeting, except that the
emphasis was on getting that court card signed, the police and courts just
don't understand, the sobriety test was not performed correctly and on and
on. Back to AA, but now I found a small meeting where everyone had to
participate, even if it was just "I pass". There were many , what I
considered "Old Timers" (over a few years sobriety)! Hardly any talk of  HP
and god, but lots of tolerance and acceptance. Another 6 months later an
acquaintance with views similar to mine told me of another Agnostic meeting
which he guaranteed me was more acceptable, and it was. Actually it was
great, the lights were dimmed to near darkness. At times it reminded me of a
seance, with the voices of those sharing coming out of the dark. This in turn
led me to other Agnostic meetings which I attended "religiously"<pi>. I
finally asked someone with lengthy sobriety to be my sponsor. Sponsor, NO, he
replied, friend YES. If there is one single thing I will always remember was
that after telling him about some resentment I felt because so-and-so said
this-and-that to me he responded: "It is his/her problem NOT yours".
Translated it means acceptance and tolerance.  I found and collected, in AA
approved literature, many stories and articles of how to stay sober without
the judeo-christian intonations, even steps a hard-core atheist could learn
to live by. 
IMHO an atheist, agnostic or plain non-believer has a much better chance of
staying sober in AA, he can not  rely on prayer and a belief in rescue by
some supernatural force, he has to take the actions required to overcome
adversity. 
Being elected by my meeting to serve as GSR, I was always happy to introduce
myself  " My name is "xxxxx", I represent the Monday night AA meeting We
Agnostics of ......". At the beginning there were some that appeared shocked,
but they accepted me and I stayed sober. Sorry to say, the meeting was
disbanded when the church, in financial difficulties, had to rent the room at
a higher fee than we could afford.
I had to visit regular AA meetings during this time, having learned to take
what I could use and reject the rest. When asked to speak, I am always happy
to oblige. My "pitch" touches lightly on the drinking days, hell everyone has
gone thru some phase of it, so why waste the time. I try to keep the focus on
honesty, open-mindedness, tolerance and acceptance in recovery. Always
mention  my lack of belief in a HP or god, if only to show that it is not
mutually exclusive in leading to recovery and a sober and productive life.


Appendix II of the "Big Book" is my favourite. I do not wish to quote it here
since it may infringe on its Copyright, but the quote below, I believe, may
be used.
.  
"There is a principle, which is a bar against all information, which is proof
against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting
ignorance--that principle is contempt prior to investigation"


-Herbert Spencer-