Judy's Story

I'm Judy and I'm an alcoholic

I am a fifty plus married lady (30 yrs.). I had a long extended drinking career. I have a twin brother who has been sober 19 yrs. My uncle was 18 yrs. sober in AA when he died of lung cancer. My father had a drinking problem(which I can see now as I look back) and mother was a social drinker who kept us all in line.

I started in my teens. I usually drank to get high. I found that I always ran around with older men because I thought they were more exciting and I could get served easier. I managed to drink my way out of college and decided I was in love. That marriage lasted 3yrs.

After that I was on my own and off and running. Being high allowed me to feel I was pretty, thin and funny (the life of the party).

There were lots of men because I always thought the next one would be perfect. I had many blackouts and ended up in a lot of places I did not want to be.

When I look back now I thank God that aids was not around then. My men friends started to get worried about me and decided to fix me up and get me married off. Did I forget to say I had lots of men who were just friends. They were safer than women.

Into my life came my second husband (hopefully the last). He was a doll and in the beginning tried to keep me in line, but the drinking was pretty much out of control. Over the years I worked as a legal secretary and when the booze called I would quit my job(my husband was supporting me, thank you very much). I discovered I was unable to have children. So being the perfect alcoholic I felt justified to drink whenever I wanted. After all no one understood what I was going through.

It was a long and hairy period in my life. My husband became my enabler. He did not understand what alcoholism was and that I simply could not just stop. For the large majority of this time I was able to be the caretaker of the family. I always managed to stay sober during family crisis'. My brother got sober. I just assumed the men in my family were weak and could not drink like I could. I buried my father and mother and continued on.

Finally on December 23, 1990 I got sick and tired and being sick and tired and stumbled into the rooms of alcoholics anonymous. I was scared to death! Didn't know I could say no! so I followed all the directions and suggestions that were given to me. I was sober but I had so many I nevers(still had the house, car and husband). I felt I hadn't lost much. Then I realized I had lost me, robbed myself of an education and decent job.

Today by the grace of God and this wonderful fellowship I have gone back to school to learn computers (although I am still very much a novice), and have a nice part-time job. I try to work the steps each day. I am working on accepting my husband (who is getting old 75yrs. and cranky). For so many years he accepted me, warts and all without question and for that I am grateful. I have a great sponsor, the best home groups and many friends in the program. IF I JUST DON'T DRINK, GO TO MEETINGS AND TRUST MY HIGHER POWER I should be alright One Day at a Time.